(no subject)

[allthelifethereis]

He's barely holding it together by the time he walks through the door and shuts it behind him. He'd left Eddie in the apartment, most things explained, but a lot of things still left unsaid, promised to come back in a couple of hours. He figures they could both do with some room. He doesn't know if Gwen is home or not, and he's got no intention of falling apart in front of her...doesn't know if Neil is home or not, and can't find the voice to call for him. He shrugs out of his coat and keeps going, climbing the stairs until he's in the privacy of the suite he shares with Neil at the top of the house. Once he gets there, he sits down on the bed and buries his face in his hands. It's only a moment before his shoulders shake with a violent sob.

"Fuck," he mumbles under his breath, scrubbing at his face with the heels of his hands. "Oh, fuck me."

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[myfavoritedream]

"Hey," I called out, hearing the front door open and close. Assuming it was Bill, I listened to him move around in the front room, frowning at the heavy, halting sound of his steps.

"You okay?" I called, heart thudding when there was no answer. Hesitantly, I stepped into the hall, just in time to watch him disappear around the landing. "Bill, what the fuck?" I said, tossing the dish towel I had in my hands towards the sink and making my way up the stairs.

By the time I made it to our room, he was hunched over, head in hands, sobbing.

"What the fuck, Bill?" I breathed, crossing the room towards him.

[allthelifethereis]

Neil comes in and Bill lifts his head, still a sobbing and snotty mess, but reaching for Neil all the same. Right now, he just needs Neil close, needs something to hold onto. Eddie's here -- he's been here -- but everything is different now, a total mindfuck, and Bill can't hide from the reality of what happened back in Derry.

"I'm okay," he manages to get out. "I'm okay, but...Jesus...I..."

[myfavoritedream]

"You're not okay, man. What are you talkin' about?" I said, going to him, hand in his hair. The only thing I could think of was something happened to one of the Losers. Or, Christ, in the back of my mind, I considered the possibility that Georgie was here, but if that were true, I doubt he would've come home without him.

Sitting down next to him, I slipped an arm around his shoulders, smudging my thumb across his cheek.

[allthelifethereis]

Neil wraps his arm around him, touches his face, and Bill shifts, turning into him, pressing his face into the crook of Neil's neck. Even like that, even held, it takes him a couple of long, hiccuping moments to pull himself together. "It's Eddie," he says. "Eddie. He's..." He drags in a breath, coughs a little. "I don't know what the fuck has happened. It doesn't...feel like it usually d-does. When the city f-fucks with us."

[myfavoritedream]

"Okay," I said, rubbing his back while he struggled to catch his breath, my other hand falling to rest against his hitching chest.

I didn't know what the fuck he was talking about, so I asked something I figured my get him on the right track: "How's it different?"

[allthelifethereis]

It helps, somehow, being bracketed by Neil's hands like that. Bill squeezes his eyes shut and breathes between Neil's palms for a moment. He tries to get himself back under control.

"I went to check on Eddie," he says, finally. "And...it's not him. Not...the right version of him. He's....older. M-my age."

[myfavoritedream]

"Shit. And you don't think it's, like. One of those temporary things?" I asked, because that did happen. But it also happened that people got wiped clean. Started over.

I knew, because it happened to me.

[allthelifethereis]

"I don't...It doesn't feel like that?" he says, realising that he's got no empirical proof, other than a feeling in his gut. But he can't shake that feeling, irrational as it might be. "I don't...I can't explain. But it feels different from when...weirdness like that has happened to us?"