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[allthelifethereis]

He's not going to propose. It's not an engagement ring. Still, it feels like kind of a big step, buying Neil a ring for his birthday. It's a simple silver band designed to be fidgeted with, a band within the band engraved with the phases of the moon. Bill had seen it in a store and thought that it was perfect. He'd kept the box in his pocket through dinner, and it isn't until they're back in the town house that it feels like the right time.

"You want your present now?" he asks, stepping in behind Neil and wrapping his arms around the other man's waist.

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[myfavoritedream]

It was a nice night. We'd gone to dinner, and I'd had a couple drinks, but nothing wild. Twenty-seven felt mostly like twenty-six, except for the whole thing where I was about to graduate college, of all fucking things. I was about to public a fucking book, if everything didn't blow up in my face. I was living with my boyfriend, in a house full of kids who happened to somehow be his childhood friends.

So, maybe twenty-seven was different.

"Depends on what it is," I teased him, settling my arm over the top of his and leaning back against his chest.

[allthelifethereis]

"Well," says Bill, his lips skimming against the side of Neil's neck. He's got more beard than he has had for years, back home; he likes the way it makes his face look. "Part of it definitely involves us both wearing less than this. But I actually bought you something too."

[myfavoritedream]

"In that case, you better do it now, so I can hurry up and get you naked," I grinned, enjoying the friction of his beard on my neck.

It seemed a little bit like he was stalling, which was more than enough to get me curious.

[allthelifethereis]

"Patience is a virtue, man," says Bill, one hand skimming over Neil's belly, pressing lightly, pulling them closer together. "But, yeah. Okay. You want it here or upstairs?" He pauses. "The gift," he clarifies. "Not my dick."

[myfavoritedream]

"Why not both?" I snickered, catching him by the hand and dragging him towards the stairs.

"Quit fuckin' stalling, asshole," I teased him, fingers lacing together as I led him up to the attic room we now both shared.

[allthelifethereis]

"Who says I'm stalling?" says Bill, but he is, and they both know it. He doesn't even know why he's doing it - things between them are solid, and it's only a birthday present. It's not going to change anything. He waits until they're up in the bedroom, and then he fishes the ring box out of his pocket.

"Happy birthday."

[myfavoritedream]

Rolling my eyes with a dismissive grunt, I sat myself down in the desk chair across from the bed, brow arched when he pulled a small box from his pocket.

It was obviously a ring box, and that, coupled with the way he was acting, made my stomach swoop towards my feet.

Coughing out a laugh, I flipped open the box with my thumb, teeth caught on my bottom lip when I saw the ring nestled inside. It was a wide, silver band with an engraved inlay. Spinning it carefully with my thumb, I saw that it was the phases of the moon.

[allthelifethereis]

"I'm not proposing," he says, all but blurts it out. There's something about the look on Neil's face that makes it feel important to say that right. "It's just...I saw it, and I thought of you." He sits down on the edge of the bed. "Do you like it?"

[myfavoritedream]

"I know," I said, frowning briefly at how quickly he made sure to clarify. It wasn't like I was disappointed, but for an embarrassing moment, I felt a weird kind of hope, even though neither of us seemed to have any desire to go through that kind of shit again.

"Yeah, no. I do. It's perfect," I murmured, pulling it out of the box and slipping it on my right hand. The moon phases would always remind me of Derek, but deeper than that, it felt strangely personal, like he'd dug around in my head for something I hadn't even realized I felt a kinship with.

[allthelifethereis]

Another look flickers across Neil's face, but Bill doesn't know how to interpret it. He watches when Neil puts the ring on, smiling when it fits, his eyes slipping back up to his boyfriend's face.

"Am I...supposed to be?"

[myfavoritedream]

"What? No. Jesus, of course not," I said, weirdly embarrassed by my reaction. "No, man. It's great. I love it."

I stood from the chair, moving over to sit next to him on the edge of the bed.

[allthelifethereis]

"I saw it and I realised that I liked the idea of you wearing it," he says, turning his head to look at Neil. "Want to tell me why you keep doing that with your face?" His hand grazes Neil's thigh. "If I fucked up somehow, I kind of need to know about it before I can fix it."

[myfavoritedream]

"You didn't fuck up. I just... I don't know, for a second it didn't seem entirely crazy, which I know is mostly me being fuckin' stupid," I admitted, face scrunching up with annoyance at myself.

"Don't make a big fucking deal out of it, okay? That's how you fix it."

[allthelifethereis]

"Okay," says Bill, drawing out the syllables a little, his hand still on Neil's leg. "But this kind of feels like the kind of thing that we're supposed to talk about?" With Audra, he'd probably have taken her at her word, let her distract him. He's trying to be better with Neil.

[myfavoritedream]

Heaving a sigh, I flopped over onto my back, already fidgeting with the ring like I'd worn it for ages.

"Okay, so. You were weird about it? Like, nervous. We've been together for like, how long now? Over a year? Longer than that, if you count the six fuckin' months I pretended like we weren't. We live together, we're fixin' up a house together, and you're... What? Are you worried about giving me a ring? Why?"

[allthelifethereis]

"You pretended that pretty fuckin' hard," says Bill, a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth as he settles down next to Neil, turned towards him, propped up on one elbow. "I just...Realised I was giving you a ring and I know how I feel about you...and...Yeah. It's stupid."

[myfavoritedream]

"If I can't it's stupid my way outta this conversation, neither can you, man," I said, poking him in the stomach with my knuckles.

"I didn't pretend that hard, you're just fucking gullible," I argued, just for the sake of it.

[allthelifethereis]

"Bullshit," says Bill, closing his fingers around Neil's wrist and squeezing when he pokes him. "Just took you a while to make up your mind." He looks down at Neil for a long moment. "I love you. More...I think more than I've ever loved anyone in my whole life. I'm just...not sure I want to do all of that again."

[myfavoritedream]

"I know. Neither do I," I admitted, nodding my head jerkily. My eyes burned, threatening to tear up, because he'd told me countless times that he loved me, but never quite like that.

"I mean, that's good, 'cause if you asked me, I'd probably fuckin' say yes, and then we'd fuck it all up," I said, laughing breathlessly.

[allthelifethereis]

"I feel like neither of us have particularly good form there," he says, brushing the ring on Neil's finger with the tip of one of his. "And, honestly, what would it change, you know? Like you said, we're already living together, and spending a shit-tonne of money on the house."

[myfavoritedream]

"Yeah, we both were pretty fuckin' shit at it," I agreed, shifting a little closer to him. It would've been easy to argue that maybe it just hadn't been right before. Maybe it'd be right, now. But it wasn't a risk I wanted to take, especially when things were already so good.

"It's fucked up, but sometimes I still have a hard time... trusting that you'd want this, like. Officially. If it meant meeting your parents, or... your weird fans googling you and finding out shit about me. In the real world. Not this fuckin' bubble. And maybe we wouldn't work outside of here, and that doesn't even really matter, it's just... I don't know." I shrugged.

[allthelifethereis]

"The timelines don't work," he says, leaning in a little, his eyes fixed on Neil's face. "And we both know that I can be an asshole with the best of them. But... I'd still want this, Neil. I'd still want you."

[myfavoritedream]

"Nah, I'd just be a few years older than you, no big deal," I pointed out with a smirk, reaching out to rest a palm on his cheek.

"I know, man. You don't have to keep telling me. I believe you. It's just the shit in my head, you know?"

[allthelifethereis]

"Doesn't mean that I don't want to keep telling you," he says, turning his head to graze a kiss against the heel of Neil's palm. "And just because I don't know if I want to be someone's husband again doesn't mean I don't love that you're wearing a ring I bought you."

[myfavoritedream]

"Yeah, I like it, too," I admitted, looking down at the band on my finger, one corner of my mouth upturned in an almost shy smile.

"I like havin' something you gave me that I can carry with me, you know?"

[allthelifethereis]

Bill feels his face flush at that and he ducks his head, blushing like a kid.

"Fuck," he breathes. "The way you make me feel..."

[myfavoritedream]

Grinning, I pushed at his shoulder, urging him onto his back and moving to sit astride his hips.

"Yeah, how's that?"

[allthelifethereis]

Bill lies back easily as Neil shifts to staddle his hips, his hands sliding up over Neil's denim clad thighs as he looks up at him, smiling.

"You know exactly how you make me feel."

[myfavoritedream]

"Yeah, maybe I wanna hear about it," I said, leaning over him, one hand braced on the mattress next to his head. "Come on, it's my birthday."

[allthelifethereis]

Bill looks up at him, doesn't make any attempt to lean up and kiss him, just takes a moment to really enjoy him.

"You drive me crazy," he says, his thumb stroking against the fabric of Neil's jeans. "Like, the sex, obviously, but just...you. Looking at you. Being around you. I thought I knew what being in love felt like, but Jesus."

[myfavoritedream]

"Obviously," I echoed playfully, one hand resting on his chest and my hips rocking just enough to frustrate him.

"So, how crazy is it gonna drive you, getting to fuck me while I'm wearing your ring?" I teased him, my hand moving up to curve lightly around his throat, the metal of the band on my finger still a little cool to the touch.

[allthelifethereis]

They've got all night, can take their time, but that doesn't mean that it's not maddening. When Neil's fingers curl around his throat, Bill's face heats, his cock twitching in his jeans.

"So fucking crazy that I might have to do it twice."

[myfavoritedream]

"Well, come on, then. What's the hold up?" I teased him, fingers tightening briefly around his throat before I pulled away to start tearing at our clothes.

[allthelifethereis]

The tightening of Neil's fingers draws a moan out of him, his hips jerking, even as he's pushing up onto his elbows to help Neil pull their clothes off. Once they're naked, he pushes Neil onto his back on the bed, settling between his thighs.

"Like this," he says. "I want to be able to see your face."

[myfavoritedream]

"Yeah, I'm not gonna argue," I grinned, knees falling apart to make room for him. Hand curling around the back of his neck, I pulled him close, mouth nudging against his while the other hand, the one wearing his ring, reached down to palm at his cock.

[allthelifethereis]

Neil's good at this, and Bill just lets himself get lost in it for a moment, the slide of Neil's hand and the press of lips and tongues. He groans softly, reaching blindly for the lube that he knows is on the bedside table on Neil's side.

[myfavoritedream]

"You're so easy," I teased, stroking him slowly and grinning against his mouth. Obviously, I was just as eager as he was, but half the fun had always been pushing each other's buttons.

[allthelifethereis]

"Would you rather I played hard to get?" asks Bill, lube in hand as he smudges another kiss to Neil's mouth and then shifts up onto his knees, looking down at him as he slicks his fingers. "Because I could definitely try that. See how long I can make you wait."

[myfavoritedream]

"Depends on how good you make the waiting," I pointed out with a grin, knees bent and splayed wide as he knelt between them.

"But you know that I like that you're easy for me. I don't think you've ever been that way for anybody else."

[allthelifethereis]

"Pretty sure I can make it worth your while," he says, his hand slipping between Neil's spread thighs, one finger pressing straight into him. He tilts his head, looking down at him. "Never," he says, and means it. "Just you."

[myfavoritedream]

"Oh, God," I said, my head thrown back, "Yeah, I know you can."

I pressed down against the intrusion, and now I was the easy one.

"Come on, then," I said, egging him on, "Show me."

[allthelifethereis]

"Show you?" says Bill, his eyebrow raised as he starts to fuck Neil with the finger pressed inside him. "How good I can make waiting?" He smirks, shifting his position between Neil's legs so that he can bend his head and press a soft, sucking kiss to the crease of his boyfriend's thigh.

[myfavoritedream]

"Yeah, man, if you're gonna say shit like that, you gotta back it up," I said breathlessly, one leg hooking over his shoulder.

[allthelifethereis]

Bill doesn't say anything to that, just focusing on pressing another finger into Neil's ass, keeping up the flow, sucking kisses against exposed skin. For the moment, he studiously ignores the flushed jut of his boyfriend's hard cock.